Review: Finding Hope

Finding Hope by Evan Grace
My rating: 2 of 5 stars

2 ⭐⭐ - Meh!
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Sure, he’d had sex in the past five years, but that’s all it was. Things were different with Shannon. He hadn’t slept with her yet, but he wanted to. He wanted to real bad.

He was looking to have a good time, and that was it. Alex was the love of his life, the other part of his soul and the mother of his daughter. Jonathon had his shot and it was gone.

“I can’t offer you anything more than a good time. I’m not looking for a relationship. Shannon, I like you, but I don’t want you thinking that this is going to be something more than just us having a good time together. We could have a lot of fun, but I just don’t want you thinking that this would turn into anything more than what it is.”

Why did it feel like he was about to betray Alex? When he’d had sex before, guilt plagued him,

“I miss you, Alex. I miss you so fucking much that sometimes I can’t breathe.” Every time he talked to her, he prayed that she would answer back, but nothing ever came.

He relaxed into her for a minute before freezing and then quickly pulling out of her.

Regardless of why, he made her feel cheap and dirty and it hurt.

She’d never felt more humiliated in her life, and of course she hadn’t seen Jonathon since that night. It didn’t surprise her, though.

Reliving the humiliation of last week was something she did not want to do.

“Alex was my soul mate, my one and only. If you were willing, I’d love to continue things with you. I just don’t want you expecting more from me than I can or will give.”

I won’t be sleeping over. Maybe we’ll go out to dinner every so often, but there won’t be dates. I won’t be introducing you to my daughter. It’s not to be a dick, but I don’t want her confused.”

Good, now he had someone to go to if he had an itch to scratch.

One Year Later

Their arrangement this past year couldn’t be any more perfect. She didn’t expect him to take her out; she didn’t blow up his phone wondering where he was and what he was doing. Honestly, he had been the one to usually initiate conversations via text messaging or calls.

Jonathon knew he needed to break things off and soon. Not because he didn’t care about her, but because he was starting to care too much.

He was a selfish man, though, and he was going to hang on to her as long as possible.

Kasey had hated him ever since. She reminded Shannon all the time that she deserved better than to be used the way he was using her. Maybe she was right.

This ‘relationship’ you have going isn’t healthy. He’s using you.”

He wasn’t lying when he told her that he believed Alex was his one and only because every now and then he felt he needed to remind her—that was how he felt.

“I-I’m pregnant.” She held it up in his face. He didn’t react at all at first. She didn’t know if that was a good thing or not. Jonathon leaned toward her. “Get. Rid. Of. It.”

“I hate you! I will never forgive you for this.”

“I will never ask you for anything because this is my baby and mine alone.”

I will never make that mistake again.” She opened her car door and climbed in, and in stunned silence, he watched her drive away.

It was wrong, but he still had a bottle of Alex’s favorite scent hidden in his dresser drawer so he could smell it, and smell her whenever he wanted.

“Do you blame her? I love you, man, but you told her to get rid of the baby.”

After kissing the tombstone, he stood up and began the trek back to his car. While walking, something floated down in front of him. Jonathon held out his hand and a tiny white feather landed right in his palm.

“Sweetheart, what are you doing? That son of a bitch told you to get rid of my grandchild and you’re still talking to him? Fuck me, and you’re watching his kid. Don’t get me wrong, because I really do like Josie, she’s a sweet girl, but she’s not your child. She’s got family. He shouldn’t be dumping it on you, especially after the way he treated you.”

“I know, but maybe it’s time to start backing away and let them go back to their lives. You can start focusing on my grandchild.”

For a year, you felt it necessary to remind me that I was good enough to sleep with…”

“I know I agreed to it, but I hoped that you would see what we could have and that you would change your mind about us being serious. Instead, you reminded me. All. Of. The. Time. That Alex was your one shot at love. Your soul mate and your other half, and it broke my heart every time.

“No, it’s not. I love you, but I deserve to be loved like Alex was.”

Hell, he didn’t know what he wanted. Yes, he loved her, but he didn’t know if he wanted to get married again. He looked at his daughter in the rearview mirror. “I don’t know, baby. We haven’t really talked about it. When we know, we’ll let you know.”

Henry’s last name was Brooks and he wanted Shannon to share it as well, but something was holding him back from doing anything about it.

He didn’t know what was holding him back, but there was something. It wasn’t anything bad, but it remained in the back of his mind.

He went to the bed, picking up the bottle of Alex’s perfume, her wedding band, and pictures. Sitting heavily on the bed, he picked up the piece of paper with his name on it. His hand shook because he knew...

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